Posts tagged: Good Quote
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.
I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you…. What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language.
I began to ask each time: “What’s the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?” …Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.
Next time, ask: What’s the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end.
And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.
Today at work, I wore this pretty form-fitting outfit because well… because I can. And a woman, probably in her mid to late 30s asks me… “Can I ask you a question without purposely trying to offend you?” Of course I said she could and then she asks me… “Do you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing?” and I kind of confusedly answered that I did feel comfortable in what I was wearing. She then asked “Even though it’s extremely… form-fitting?” And I said “Especially because it’s form fitting.” She then told me that she thought I looked beautiful but asked how I was so comfortable, as a full-figured woman, wearing something tight. And I simply answered “Because I love my body. I love my shape. I love who I am. It took me a long time to be okay with what kind of body I have but now I love it and if I choose to change it, I can. If I don’t choose to, then I won’t. Sure, I have things I don’t like about myself but overall I can’t say I’m disappointed in the way I look or feel in the clothes I choose to wear.”
She then called me her “She-Hero” and bought an outfit just like the one I was wearing.
This is why I love my job.
Fred McFeely Rogers (March 20, 1928 – February 27, 2003)
Oh. Sobbing. Okay.
Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.